Why Me?

11/4/21

Have you ever just sat and wondered... Why me? I wonder this alot! As I sit around and watch people walk by me and how happy they are with their pregnant bellies. Watch how happy people are with their children who look just like them. Watch how happy people are with these cute little babies. I just sit here and watch. 

Why cant I have that? Why am I stuck here with infertility wishing I could have kids while all these other mothers are getting theirs taken away on a day to day basis. Why me?

I have always wanted a kid so bad, so my husband Daniel and I started doing foster care. We so far have had 8 kids in the home and only one has stayed longer than 6 months. We wish the world for this little girl as we have grown attatched to her and watched her grow alot in these last couple of months. But then there is this big bad word called.. REUNIFICATION! It is so hard facing a childs parents knowing the things they have done to the child and knowing the child refuses to speak because they are traumatized to the point where they feel if they do speak they will get beat. The court system is trying to send her back home. This breaks our hearts as we know what she has gone through. The court system and Childrens Divsion system is so screwed up that they just try to get these kids back home so they dont need to do paperwork. Dont be a foster parent if you are in it for adoption. We were told to foster so we can adopt kids and have a happy little family. They lied! We babysit for people who are out doing drugs while their kids are in the system and when they want to act right, well... they get them back ofcourse. Now my rant is over and all I want to do is sit here and think why me.. oh! and also eat a candy bar. 

Goodnight.